You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
