he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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