on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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