Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
