i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
