none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
