My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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