If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
