we have pet lesbian snakes
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
