There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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