He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
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