Screwed.edu
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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