Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
