I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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