hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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