I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
