Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
