i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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