Banned from zoo.
Again?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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