you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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