alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
