So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
