If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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