what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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