Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
