I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
