Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
