I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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