sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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