So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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