when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
