he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
