My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
