Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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