You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I can text with my tongue
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
