Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
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