someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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