my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
