Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃