Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
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I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
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it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.