Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
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Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
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You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?