Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
