Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires