you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Farmville is her only friend.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
