I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize
