I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
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