I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
