hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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