gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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