My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
