i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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