great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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