I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
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