don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
