I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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