Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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