No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
