It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
