My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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