dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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