Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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