Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
