cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
