Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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