Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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