Your dad touched me again.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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