I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
The power of my boobs compel you
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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