I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
