Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
