i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
