I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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