Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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