you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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