You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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