I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
