Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
