im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
