eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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