Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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