it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
