There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
