I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
