to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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